Want to be happier? STOP doing these things.
5th of April 2017 by Anne Hellgren
- Stop being negative.
We all know it’s not realistic to always be positive about everything. That is not what is implied here either. I’m talking about the kind of negative frame of mind that some people have about everything in their lives. The kind of person that just can’t seem to see anything good about any situation. Or they seem to look for faults in everything or everyone. No matter how great an idea may sound, they will be the first to pick out negative points about it. I sometimes use the phrase “there’s always a raining cloud over them” because nothing ever seems to be going well for them. It’s very difficult to appreciate the good fortunate, or blessings, that life gives you when you’re busy waiting for misfortune to befall you.
We all go through difficult experiences in life. What is important is that we learn from the experience and move on. After all, we attract what we focus on. If you keep focusing on the negative, you will attract more negativity into your life. No matter how many other wonderful traits someone has, being around a negative person is at best, not fun, and can be at worst, very emotionally draining.
- Stop worrying about everything
We worry about our tomorrow, our next week, next month, next year and so on. Yet, all that worry doesn’t add any value at all. We know it doesn’t add any value because yesterday’s worry hasn’t helped us today nor will it help tomorrow. Instead of using all that energy, time and imagination worrying, we could be using it to create a structured and well thought out plan of how to achieve our goals.
So rather than spending an hour worrying about that presentation at work, put that effort into doing some research into the topic that will help you appear more knowledgeable on the topic. Or perhaps spend more time on the making the PowerPoint slides more engaging and impactful by editing the text and adding some relevant pictures and media. Whatever it is that you are spending time and effort worrying about, it will not be improved by your worrying, so stop wasting your time and energy. Put it to better use.
- Stop holding on to the past
One of my favorite life philosophies is “People are not disturbed by things, but by the view they take of them” Epictetus. All too often we hold on to memories and experience from our past and let them affect how we live our present. In every negative experience, there is a lesson to be learned. In some cases, the learning is harder or more painful than others, but the lesson is there. Rather than focus on the event, you will stand to gain much more from taking the time to focus on what you can take away from it, positive and negative, and move on. One of the pre-propositions of NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) is that “there is no failure, just feedback”. Learn from the experience and move on so you know what and how to do differently next time. When something goes wrong, turn it into an opportunity to learn something you didn’t know–especially about yourself. When something goes wrong for someone else, turn it into an opportunity to be gracious, forgiving, and understanding. The past is just training so learn from it, then let go. The past should definitely inform but in no way define you–unless you let it.
Coaching with Time Line Therapy® is exceptionally effective in helping people to let go of painful/ negative past experiences. Please feel free to reach out if you feel that you would like to discuss anything further.
- Stop wasting your time
I think this is something everyone can identify with at some point in their life. If you are completely honest with yourself, how much time do you spend on watching TV, social media, online videos, games etc., that are not related to your job or add any real value to your self-development? You will notice I emphasis on adding self-development because there is a lot that we can learn using these medias, so it’s not to say that we should completely cut them out of our life. But rather be aware of how much time you’re spending on these forms of entertainment and media if you are not using them for self-improvement. Read more, socialize with family and friends (offline!) or maybe start that hobby/business/exercise program you’ve been wanting to do for so long. The knock-on effect of using your time more wisely is that you consciously make decisions about doing things that truly bring you happiness!
- Stop saying yes to everything and everyone
Most people like to please others, it’s a rather natural instinct to many of us. While there is nothing wrong with wanting people to like you, it’s unhealthy to have a need to be liked. This is where the problem comes in as we turn over backward trying to please everyone by saying yes, all the while making ourselves very miserable. The saying goes, “those who mind don’t matter and those that matter don’t mind.”
It’s also important to learn to ask for help when we need it. Asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness if you can’t do everything at once or be there for everybody all the time. But if you’re saying yes to everything at work or in your personal life, you may want to re-think why you do this. What is stopping you from saying no when you truly want to say no? What do you think would happen if you said no?
If you want to be happy in life, you need to learn to say NO. It’s very easy for others and harder for some, but the good news is, it’s a skill we can all learn. This also includes saying no to yourself! So if there are habits that you want or need to get rid of, identify these and make the changes. If you’re struggling to identify why you have a constant need to say yes to everyone or please others at your expenses, or would like to discuss this further, I’m always happy to help.
So will the above points guarantee me happiness?
Happiness is your choice and only you are responsible for making yourself happy, or unhappy. Circumstance happen and we face challenges, but ultimately the only person accountable for your happiness is you. You can work on achieving happiness on our own, or you can get coaching to help you through the process and give you guidance and support on what you need to focus on.
If you need help with any of the above please feel free to contact me firstname.lastname@example.org. I’m always happy to help.
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